Beautiful Is Looking Like Everyone Else?

The Oprah show had a special report entitled Beauty Around the World. I found it very disturbing and just had to react to it.

Part of the show was about how western (aka. American) culture has influenced the rest of the world. Just 40 years ago Chinese women were forced to dress like men and makeup was outlawed. Now, I guess the beauty industry in booming in China. The editor of Vogue, Chinese edition, said that when a new trend is shown in the magazine, they have to explain where the trend came from and why it is popular. Things we take for granted like nylons are even new to many women in China. (And why would anyone intentionally want to embrace that tradition?)

The part that disturbs me the most is that companies are showing the Chinese women what is popular so they can sell their products. They aren't using Asian models. Companies are selling the same look that they sell over here. That just is preparing a new generation to want to look like someone else. How is that good?

For example, Chinese women are having thousands of eyelid surgeries to make their eyes westernized so that they can, in turn wear trendy eye makeup. I think that Chinese beauty needs to be promoted to Chinese women. Encouraging women to look more western so you can sell more eye makeup is SO wrong on so many levels. We need to love what God has blessed us with and not want to look like someone from a country far away.

As an African American woman, I have seen the self-doubt that is produced by living in a society that valves a beauty different than your own. African American women aren't changing their eyelids-they are paying way too much money to change their hair so that they can have the hair styles that are shown on the popular models. I think that embracing ones own natural beauty is the first step towards embracing who you truly are.

I am always trying to tell my girls how beautiful they are. I know that they have a unique look because they are a mix of races. I'm just not sure if I'm winning the battle against popular culture. At least one person a week tells me that Elena could be a model, but she still wishes that she could have blond hair or green eyes like her daddy. I'm trying to figure out how I can make her realize that God made her perfect just the way she is. I'd gladly take any suggestions.

I just think that there is SO much more that we can instill in our girls than vanity. How about character and integrity? We could even mix in a little fiscal responsibility. That reminds me: I was in the toy aisle at Target and I saw that a lot of the dolls were pushing an empty fashionable coolness. I guess a Helen Keller doll wouldn't sell very well next to all of those fancy dolls out there. I guess it's hard to "sell" character in a toy.

I could go on forever on this subject, so I'm going to end here. This is just a subject that touches my heart. Feel free to comment! I enjoy listening to other opinions.

George Washington Lives in South Dakota

Christina asks me the other day, "Do you know who George Washington is?"

"Yes. He was the first president of the U.S."

"Well, he lives in South Dakota. Can we go see him sometime? Here's a map."

She hands me a picture of a colored rectangle, a line going from the rectangle up, then it goes to the right to another rectangle. She might be a little confused when she sees that "he" is a mountain, and not a person. At the least the map was generally accurate!

I Stand Corrected

I was incorrect in my last post. Mark read my blog and rightly accused me of not listening to his story. SO, Tabitha and Shabitha (not Sabitha) did not, in fact, have rainbow socks. Their story was lame, so Mark had started a new story about the magical socks. The jist of it is this: The rainbow socks went to a few different houses by mail until it landed at a boy's house. The boy made the rainbow socks stinky and dirty and then the boy tossed them away. Then a poor girl, who had hardly anything to her name, found the socks. Anyone else would have thrown them away, but the little girl didn't have much and so she washed them and took care of them. When she wore the socks (this is where it gets good), apparently they made her into a professional basketball player for the WNBA and she was never poor again. They were better than a pair of Nikes. LOL! I must apologize to Mark for not getting it right the first time. :)

Magical Stories

Tonight Christina begged to sleep in our bed with us. I tried my best to explain that we don't go to sleep right away. I left out the part that we stay up as late as possible so we can have as much fun as possible without kids. Instead, I told her to sleep with Elena.

Well, Christina went to ask Elena if she could sleep in the bed with her. Elena "all of the sudden" had a stomach ache and couldn't sleep with anyone for fear that she may throw up on them. How considerate of her... So, I jumped in bed with Christina. Soon Micah wanted a part in all of the love.

At this point, Elena was feeling a little left out. The girls share a room, and Micah kept counting the three of us in Christina's bed--kind of rubbing in that Elena was alone. So, she called her daddy. Mark came in, looked at both beds, and then jumped in with Elena. That's when the fun began.

"Daddy, tell us a story!" Elena begged. Mark has this ritual on the nights that the girls go to bed on time--he makes up bedtime stories. He had been working late all week and the girls had missed his stories. They always rave about how wonderful they are. I was honored to be a part of the story time magic.

We turned off the light and only the glow from the hallway remained. Then, Mark starts this crazy story about a girl named Tabitha and her sister. He had a hard time coming up with the sister's name when all of the sudden the name Sabitha came out of his imagination. I really wanted to laugh, but the kids were totally engrossed in the story.

A whole story about Tabitha and Sabitha begins. They had some magic rainbow socks, and no one ever could see how magically special they were because the girls didn't have shoes and the socks were caked in mud. That's about where Mark lost me because it was way over the top corny. Before I spaced out, I looked at the girls-- and they were totally invested in the story.

Kids are so innocent. We expose them to adult themed shows and movies so early in our culture. I think that they just want to believe that the world is a magical place. I watched them as they listened to Mark. Elena forgot about her stomach ache. Christina forgot why she wanted to sleep with us. I could see from their faces that they wanted a magical pair of socks of their own. That story-corny as it was-was better than any movie we could have shown them.

Somewhere near the end Elena sat up, "We need Isaiah! He's the only one not in here."

At that point Mark jumped up to check on him. He had fallen asleep in our room. She was disappointed that he couldn't join the rest of the family. (It's not like a 9 month old wants to hear a story about socks.) I tucked the kids in bed.

"Don't worry," I told her. "I'm sure Daddy has plenty more stories for another day."

I'm sure they are dreaming about their magical rainbow socks right now.

The Famous Shoeless Christina Friesen

Christina and shoes have never gone together. Ever. In the summer she loves to run through rocks, bark, mud, and sand in just her bare feet. Cold? No problem. She has been known to run outside shoeless in winter weather. I really wasn't sure how to remedy this situation.

For example, almost every day my daughter has her shoes on backwards. I don't know how many times Mark has sat down with her and showed her how to figure out which shoe goes on which foot. Nevertheless, even if we send her to school with her shoes on the right feet, she returns home with them on the wrong feet. I swear she does this because it irritates us and we can't get mad at her about it.

One morning we got all the way to school and I hear her little voice from the back seat tell me, "I don't have my shoes."

I looked at her through the rear view mirror. "What do you mean you don't have any shoes?"

"I left them at home."

At that point I let the other kids out of the van and put the van in park. From that point Christina and I proceeded to climb through the car looking for anything that might fit her feet. I really didn't want to go back home.

We were in the car searching for her shoes so long that we heard a knock at the window. I reached over to open the window. It was the vice-principal. "Is everything okay in here?" he asked. I can imagine what he was thinking. We were sitting at the front of the carpool line and I'm sure that he could see the car shaking and shadows moving around inside.

"Everything's fine," I smiled, "We're just having shoe issues." I then went to the trunk where I found a pair of snow boots. Christina began to put them on and then made a mad dash into the school. Another exciting shoe related day.

Almost every morning we do a housewide shoe search. About 90% of the time Christina has no idea where her shoes are. We drive carpool in the morning, so we really need to leave on time. All 5 of us who can walk end up searching through the house for the creative location of the day where Christina's shoes might be. They are almost never in the same place. This morning one was in the laundry room by the cat litter box and the other was in the bucket with the train pieces in the play room.

The fact that we are almost late every day had been bugging me until I got a great idea on how to remedy the situation. I was listening to Kevin Leman on Focus on the Family. He is the author of the book Have a New Kid By Friday. He shared a hilarious story about a mom who had a son that made everyone late everyday. One day she left him and took everyone else to school. Then she picked him up and dropped him off without a note to excuse his absence. He was never late again after he had to go to the principal's office and explain why he was late. I thought I'd try this idea myself. Christina is too young to leave alone, but Mark is usually home until I return from dropping the kids off at school.

I gave Christina a week of warnings. I told her that if she wasn't ready that one day I was going to leave without her. One day she had the nerve to tell me, "You always say that and you never really do." Game on!

On Tuesday I gave her a 15 minute, 10 minute, and 5 minute warning. Then I told Elena to get in the car. (She wanted to go find Christina's shoe herself, but I wouldn't let her.) I think Christina was hand feeding the cat. As soon as the garage door opened she showed up at the door. No shoes, socks, coat or backpack.

"Mommy-don't leave me!" she screamed in a panic.

I leaned my head out the window, "I told you I was going to leave and you didn't get ready. I'm outta here!"

From that point she didn't run in the house. She started crying from the garage door with a look of shock on her face. She didn't believe that I was going to really do it. The most amazing thing was that the rest of us were actually on time to school with TIME TO SPARE. No one had to run into the school to make it before the bell. It was so much more relaxing than usual.

When I returned, Christina was dressed and laying across the floor in a state of depression. "I can't believe you left!" I put her in the car and took her to school. When she entered her classroom she paused, looked at me and sighed. I figured that she wouldn't do that again. I was wrong.

The next morning was a complete repeat of the day before. This time when I was driving her to school late she told me, "You don't even like me!"

I looked at her through the rear view mirror, "This has nothing to do with me. You are responsible for yourself. If you had been ready, you would have made it to school on time."

She crossed her arms and huffed. I continued, "Do I have to ask Elena to put her shoes on in the morning?"

A weak NO came from the back seat.

"Do I ask her to put her coat on?"

"No."

"Do I ask Elena to get her back pack ready?"

"No."

"What were you doing when I left?"

"Ummmmmm. Playing with the cat?"

I think it was beginning to sink in. I closed the conversation, "All you need to do is get yourself ready. I'm not going to do it. Elena is not going to do it. Daddy is not going to do it. I always love you. You just need to take care of yourself."

The car was quiet for the rest of the trip, but I think she learned a lesson that day. The next day I went to leave and she had been waiting in the car for ME. She was so proud of herself--she was beaming. I told her how proud I was at her when I saw that she even had her shoes on. They were on the wrong feet, of course, but she had finally taken some responsibility for herself.

Reading ideas...

Let me just preface this blog entry by saying that I do love the Tattered Cover Book Store. I thought it was awesome that someone from the store took the time to read my blog and comment on it. Of course, I wasn't saying a lot of nice things about the new reader chapter book literature selection, but I don't think that the selection of chapter books for new readers is even their fault--the publishers want authors that pump out a book every 3 months. (And they at the Tattered Cover say that is what sells-probably because sometimes we as parents don't take the time to find out what are kids are reading.) Maybe I should write children's books instead of talking about them.... There's a thought.

Here are some reading suggestions from Dawn. Other friends suggested some of these books, too, but they were all the same books that Dawn chose, so she gets all of the credit. (Sorry everyone else!)

The Little House books, Anne of Green Gables, Narnia, The Secret Garden, Peter Pan, the Ramona series and Superfudge. Also, Ella Enchanted and Lloyd Alexander's Chronicles of Prydain.

My friends at The Tattered Cover also gave me some suggestions to help find a good book. I haven't had a chance to check them out yet myself, but I will this weekend:

http://www.ala.org/ala/mgrps/divs/alsc/awardsgrants/bookmedia/newberymedal/newberymedal.cfm

http://tinyurl.com/yam7js6

http://news.bookweb.org/features/7307.html

http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/417656-Best_Children_s_Books_of_2009.php

Coming soon to my blog.....Yet another crazy adventure with Christina--but that will have to wait until the morning. I can't keep my eyes open!

Success By Bribery

I was going to write some more of my never ending adventures with Christina. I have a great story to tell, but Elena says that all of my blogs are about Christina. That's probably true--she is the one that exasperates me the most. To be fair, today is about Elena.

Elena is bright (if I do say so myself), but she just didn't have ANY interest in reading. This really bothered me. As a child I spent a large amount of time reading books with a flashlight under my covers. I read everything. One of the hardest feats in reading that I accomplished was reading the Lord of the Rings series in 5th grade. That was a challenge. How in the world could I give birth to a child that had no interest in reading.

SO, I went to the Tattered Cover to check out the juvenile fiction section. About 95% of the section was populated with books from some Fairy series or the Magic Tree House books. I bought a few books (they were really cheap), and I still didn't have any luck.

Frustrated, I decided to read a few of the popular books that are around. I figured out pretty quickly why she didn't like to read much. The writing is TERRIBLE in the new popular book series. I was really shocked at the low quality of the books that were being pushed on kids. I remember the Fudge and Ramona books from my day. They were books for kids that were written by writers. The books that I looked at were just words printed on a paper with a wizard or fairy to make them cool. I was NOT impressed.

I had no idea where to start. I was going to give Elena Superfudge, but I remembered her first grade teacher telling me that it talks about doubts about Santa. That was right around Christmas. Although Elena doesn't believe in Santa, I didn't need to remind her about that belief and have her ruin some other child's Christmas. I looked at some other options before I ran into one of the new American Girl books.

Now, I have to be honest---I was not expecting much, but once I started reading the book I was interested in the story of the girl. I started looking at some of the other books and I was impressed at how history came alive in the lives of the characters.

I guess I'm a little idealistic. I want my kids to read books that improve their skills in reading. I don't want to have them read just to check another book off a list. I think we're already dumbing our kids down and making them immature by putting them at the center of the universe and entertaining them mindlessly at all times. Don't even start me on the effect that texting is having on the younger generation's writing skills...

Crossing my fingers, I handed Elena two of the books that I wanted her to read. She just sighed, put them in her room and then returned and asked if she could play on the Wii. This is going to be harder than I thought-she is already convinced that reading is boring. For a couple of days I tried to come up with a way to get her to start reading. One day I passed the books sitting on her nightstand and had an idea.

For Christmas I bought the kids all 1 large Christmas gift each. I bought Elena an American Girl doll. She had been hinting that she wanted more clothes for her doll, but they are so expensive that I knew that she would have to earn them. When I looked at the American Girl book, I figured that I could merge the two: She reads books and earns clothes for the American Girl doll. Perfect! I wish that my parents had paid me to read!

Elena was all over my proposition. She actually picked up one of the books and started to read it. Not long after that, she was hooked. I found her reading the books on her own. I even found her reading at night with a book light that I had stuffed in her stocking at Christmas. She was finally enjoying reading (and I was enjoying watching her read)!

Elena was told that if she read 4 chapter books (that I chose) she could get an outfit for her doll and one to match for her to wear. At first she talked about the outfits that she was going to pick. Now, she talks about the next book she is going to read. All it took was a good book and a little bribery. In fact, my sister just gave Christina an older American Girl doll. She just asked me today, "Mom, can I read to get clothes for my doll, too?" That made me smile!